I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
