Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
