It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
