Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
In America we eat man semen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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