Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
