It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
