It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
