I can't watch pbs sober anymore
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
