I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
