I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
