I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
