i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
