I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
