New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
