I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
