Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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