I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
