we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
