You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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