I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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