About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
