escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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