I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
