I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
