It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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