he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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