I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
