Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
