My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
