i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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