That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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