Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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