don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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