on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
