Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
