and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
