is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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