you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
