I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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