He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
