get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
