At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
