and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
