Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
