oh god the rape fog is back!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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