You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
