covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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