Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
