I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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