literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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