yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
