Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
