Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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