the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
